From: Kaylin Chu
Date: 10th September 2016
Subject: Getting To Know More About Me
Dear Brad,
My name is Kaylin and I am currently pursuing Bachelors in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering under Building Services. I will be telling you more about my interests, educational background and goals for my future.
Believing that we should always keep an open mind, I take interest in a long list of different activities. However, I particularly enjoy group activities, take for example playing Volleyball with my friends and Golfing on "family days". Communicating and bonding through these activities reward me with the sense of belonging. In turn, I feel more driven to be at my best.
Since I was little, I have been wondering: Who built the kindergarten school that I attended? Why were there protruding parts of the wall? How did they do it? How was it possible to bring water, electricity, and people together in a contained space?
Although I got carried away by Literature and Sciences during my Secondary School days, I ultimately advanced into a Civil Engineering course to seek answers for my ever-burning questions. As my passion grew while studying the subject, I set an ultimate goal to become a Professional Engineer.
Thank you for your time and attention.
Regards
Kaylin Chu
Edited: 18th September 2016 @ 18:05
Commented on Keith and Daryl's blog posts.
Hi Kaylin,
ReplyDeleteThat was a clear and concise introduction of yourself. Through this post, i managed to get a clearer picture of who you really are as a person. It is good to have a passion and goal in your life.
As for some suggestion, I would like to point out one of the sentences.
"I particularly enjoy group activities, take for example playing.. "
You might consider changing to "I particularly enjoys group activities. Take for example: playing.."
Thank you, Kaylin, for a really excellent intro letter. It is not only clear and informative but heart-felt. We readers get a strong sense of what motivates you from the content, especially when you present that list of questions that bring your focus to the interest in engineering. I also like the way you have summed up your place at SIT by alluding to the value of this educational opportunity.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few language problems in this post, namely, issues with capitalization and at least one with sentence structure (see below). But overall, from your tone through the content, this is a very effective letter.
1) Admitting into my undergraduate program gave me hopes of achieving my goal one day. >>>
Being admitted into this undergraduate program has given me hope of achieving my goal one day.
I look forward to reading more of your writing.